Intimidation 101

You know, I have spent lots and lots of money on classes that I have to sit through every day and then write papers about. Not to mention the stack of books sitting behind me that I still have to read! Sure, I am taking a break from it all, but am I really? NOPE!!! Because even though I am not doing the work or listening to a lecture, the material is still running through my head. And there is a LIST! Thats right... A list! It is in my head, but to sum it up.. it is all the things that I still have to do today, this week, this month, this semester.. and so on.

You see when we are in school, our brains never shut off. They work super hard all day, then when you go to bed... you are just about to close your eyes and drift off when some idiot switches your brain to TURBO SPEED... So instead of NOT thinking, like we all enjoy doing... we are acutally thinking twice as much about meaningless crap that we acutally wont remember the next day but for some reason it is important at that moment!.

I think that sums up school pretty much.. But this got me thinking (No pun intended) that if we students pay enormous amounts of money to these prof's who cause us this stress to begin with, why do we do it? And better yet, Why don't I become a Professor!?!?! Yes, thats right.. me, standing up in front of a room full of blank stares, speaking about whatever I darn well please. But I didnt like the idea of people staring at me.. so I came up with a new and Twice more Brilliant IDEA!...

I will teach an online course, on the one thing that I know best... It will be called "Intimidation 101" Here is my course outline. Read it carefully and make sure you memorize it because you will be tested later on.

Topics to be covered:

• The Stare - What is it and how will it help you?
• Mastering the Stare
• Where do bullies come from?
• The difference between a bully and an intimidator
• Challenges you will face when intimidating others
• How Can I get what I want... NOW?
• How to incorporate words with stares
• The theology of being an intimidator and how it can change the world

You will then write a 24 page paper on the scientific discoveries of the intimidation tactics. There must be THREE bibliographies and a Title Page. Plus, I would like a three page summary of what your paper is about so that I don't have to read all 24 freakin pages! There will be 7 books that need to be read, all with 10,000 pages or more, they need to be read BEFORE the second class so we can discuss them on a college level.

And that is how I would teach! Anyone interested in becoming an effective Intimidator, please contact me A.S.A.P. Classes start in five days.

WARNING: Ladies, Be Cautious when studying Intimidation - It could possibly lead to a life time of singleness.... And for all of those who already are, tomorrow's topic will be "The Key to Singleness"!

Thank you, and have a great rest of your day reading BOOKS!