Decisions

I just made a very very difficult decision... I have made a lot of hard decision in my life (getting married, having a baby, buying a house), but for some reason, this one was one of the hardest. I was invited to crew on another sailing trip. This time they are headed to Mexico and eventually around the world and I was planning to help bring them from Canada to San Fransisco.

 Now if you look back, I have had lots of hopes and dreams about sailing and had the time of my life sailing to Maui and back 5 years ago. I have been craving a trip like this since I landed back in Canada! But I currently have a 5 month old son (Jack) who will only be 9 months when we depart. I have fought with the idea of going for months and months and made the decision today that I will not be going. I think I stared at my reply e-mail for an hour before I sent it!! Ugh. I wish my son was older, but life is what it is... Jack is growing so fast and I don't want to miss a second of it!

Life is full of regrets and there are lots of things that I have missed out on because I was too scared or shy or my priorities weren't in order. I thought that if I didn't go sailing, that I would regret it. But then I realized that I would probably regret even more missing my son's first camping trip in Vernon (we go every year) and possibly developmental milestones (like walking, talking etc). I never imagined how much my heart would be tied to my son - he's what I live for now. Perhaps if I am lucky, I will be able to rent a sailboat when we are in Vernon and then I'll have the best of both worlds.

Happy thoughts.